i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
