Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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