I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
