peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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