Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
