He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
