watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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