Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My balls are so social today.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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