The maid of honor just puked.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
