if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
