I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
