you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
