Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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