thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
