question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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