you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
