Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
