You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
