I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
