Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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