ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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