I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
