College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
