do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
