Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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