I hate your face
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
