when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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