Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
