She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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