I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
