Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
