im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
