is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
