Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
