She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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