That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
