I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
