I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
