She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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