I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
