just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
