those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
