How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
