I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
