My room smells like vodka and shame
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
