Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
