is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
