Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
