remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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