I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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