i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
