Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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