cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
