Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
