shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
