I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
