I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
