Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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