The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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