she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
