i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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