Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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