I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
