he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
